Author: Tiffany Guy

I'm a wife and mother of three amazing children. As a mother of a child with autism, my faith has been tested and grown through the trials of disability. It became my hope and prayer to encourage others with stories and scriptures, thus, You've Got A Friend was created!

Seen

 

In the middle of a problem have you ever felt like you are alone and no one even sees what you are going through? It may feel like you are struggling so hard to overcome or get through something, yet everyone else is going along with their “problem-free” life. It might feel like no one sees or cares. 

I’ve always heard the saying “Your feelings can lie to you.” Meaning that your feelings are real, but they are not always accurate! This is the case here. If you feel like no one sees what you are going through, you have to remind yourself of the truth. The truth that you are seen by God.

Sometimes I think just knowing that someone sees what we are going through is enough to keep us going. When we know someone understands and can relate to our struggles, it helps give us strength somehow. We know that we are “seen”. 

Many times when we look around we discover that there are those who are facing challenges equal to or much worse than our own. For example, at times I feel like things are so bad with Landon and his autism and ALL the behavioral and learning challenges that he has. But then I’ll see a special needs child in a wheelchair.  A child with mental and physical difficulties. Then I feel thankful. It is a reminder that my Landon can run and play, he can jump and climb. He rarely ever catches a cold much less anything worse. He is a strong and healthy little boy.

So whether it is an illness you or a family member is facing, a special needs child you have, or another hardship, know that God sees you and what you are going through. 

Earlier this year, my family attended a conference for families who have a child with special needs/disability.  One of the verses that stuck with me from that event was Genesis 16:13. We are seen by God! Not a sparrow falls from the sky without God knowing it. The hairs on our head are numbered and God keeps track of that. (Matthew 10:29-31.) If those things are important to Him, surely our problems are seen by God. 

I don’t know about you, but I’m the type of person who hates to see people hurting, sick, sad, etc. I always want to help people to feel better.  I truly struggle with why God allows bad things to happen and why he doesn’t make all the problems, sickness, difficulties go away if He sees us? The truth is God has so much more wisdom and understanding than I do. He sees the vast universe from a perspective much higher than mine.

God sees the huge, enormous picture and the things we are going through don’t take Him by surprise.  We just have to hang on and trust Him and know that if we are facing a difficulty, He is that much closer to us. We are seen.

Genesis 16:13

13 She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: “You are the God who sees me,” for she said, “I have now seen[a] the One who sees me.” 

Matthew 10:29-31

29 Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.[b] 30 And even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. 31 So don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Your friend,

Tiffany

A Mother’s Love

I am so thankful for my mother.  We have always had a close friendship. She is the type of person who listens more than she speaks. In a world where people usually talk more than they listen, I think this is a wonderful quality to have.  Have you ever had the feeling, when talking to someone, that they were only hearing the words, not really paying attention to what you were saying? I think this has rarely ever happened when I talk to my mom. I know she cares about what I am saying.

Mama is also really good at finding the best answer/solution to a problem. In fact, for probably all of my childhood, I thought every answer she gave me was always the best answer! I thought she was perfect. Of course no one is perfect, but she was pretty close in my eyes and still is.

Mama is also a wonderful helper. Whatever I need help with- even now-she is always willing to do. Babysitting, housework, meals, you name it.

The best quality Mama possesses by far is her ability to love. When I got married, she cross-stitched 1st Corinthians 13 (the love chapter) for me as a wedding gift. It is special to me because she made it herself. Mama is all the things in that chapter. She is patient and kind. She doesn’t think of herself first. She is faithful. Her example taught me how to be a good mother.

I definitely realize not everyone is close to their mother. Maybe some mothers are the opposite of 1st Corinthians 13. Whatever the case, who we are is due in part to who she was. Who you are is partly because of her. We always carry part of our mother with us, whether she is alive or not. Often, we don’t understand how much she sacrificed for us until we are a parent ourselves. I think we all take our mothers for  granted sometimes. She’s taken care of us from the moment we’re born until we are adults. She fed us, clothed us, cleaned up after us. She taught us, read to us, and played with us. She took us to church. She loved us. 

I’ve always been close to my mom. I feel very blessed to have had that. One song that always reminds me of her and her love was released a year after I graduated high school. I remember hearing it when I was about to leave for college.  It’s called 26 Cents. The chorus says “here’s a penny for your thoughts, a quarter for the call, and all of your Mama’s love” (For those that are too young to remember, there used to be pay phones that you put a quarter in to call someone.😊) This song really does describe my Mama.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RpFBNBFuFw0&sns=em

A mother’s love can seem so constant. We assume she’ll always be there. But the reality is that she won’t. One day she will not be there to talk to or spend time with.

So even if you aren’t close to your mother, think for a moment about at least one positive thing about your mom. And if she is still alive, call her and thank her for whatever it was you thought of.

Your friend,

Tiffany

Don’t Ever Quit

Do you ever feel like you are trying to finish something and no matter how hard you try you just can’t get anywhere? It is kind of like running on a treadmill or the classic hamster running inside of it’s caged wheel. 

Lately, we have really felt that way at our house! We are still in the process of potty training Landon. This has gone on for over 3 years now. (He is five and has autism). He is currently at the stage where he thinks it’s fun to take off his diaper in the middle of the night. AND create his own artwork. I will stop explaining right there. 

While it might be pretty humorous to read about, it is hard to live with day in and day out!! It has been downright crazy lately!! Trying to potty train an autistic child, who is extremely ADHD, and doesn’t sleep well at night, has felt impossible lately. We try everything we can think of to accomplish the goal of getting Landon potty trained. But we just can’t get there. And yes honestly it is mostly to avoid having to clean up his….artwork. We even had to rip up the carpeting in his room. We attempted to stain the concrete flooring underneath. (This was unsuccessful at first attempt, but that is another story.)

I think all of us have been there in the middle of a problem we can’t fix. We try and try to fix it and we just can’t seem to resolve it no matter what we do. Some of us have really huge obstacles that we just can’t see past and have no idea how they can ever be resolved. Things like health problems, problems in our families, or problems on our job. We feel like we are a car stuck in the mud spinning our wheels but never getting anywhere. We ask God to help us- to make the problem go away quickly- but it seems like nothing changes. We feel like throwing in the towel and giving up. And that is okay to feel that way. But don’t do it! Don’t quit. Don’t ever quit. 

I was in Wal-Mart a couple of years ago walking past the clearance section. A pink, $3 t-shirt caught my eye so I picked it up out of the stack.  What was written on the t-shirt jumped out at me. It said “Don’t Ever Quit”. So simple, but so true. At that moment, it was the encouragement I needed.

I think we all want to “see results” when we put in so much effort. Could it be that we are getting results, just not the results we wanted? Are we accomplishing the goal that God wants? Because of some trial or difficulty do we have more patience, kindness, more perseverance, more empathy?

Maybe we were so focused on completing one goal, our goal, we weren’t even aware that God was accomplishing a different goal in us. His goal. He was changing our character. He was making lasting improvements in us for the better. One day, when we are far past the obstacles we are facing now, if we don’t quit, we’ll see then that the goal that was met in us was far greater than the goal we had for ourselves. God’s goal for us will last forever. But for now…

Philippians 3:13-14

13 Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

Romans 5:3-5

but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; 4 perseverance, character; and character, hope. 5 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.

 

Your friend,

 Tiffany

All things work together for good…

My last post was about a wedding I attended in college. At that time in my life I had recently experienced a bad break up that had really devastated me. Romans 8:28 had always been one of my favorite verses and I repeated it to myself often, especially at that point in my life.

I’m a Senior, by then, at Auburn University majoring in Speech Language Pathology.  I had really been through so much I thought about quitting school and going back to Barnesville, Georgia. Back home. My life seemed like one big mess at the time. It seemed hopeless. But I wouldn’t let myself quit school, hard as it was in light of all I had gone through. I was too close to finishing my degree.

I will finish my degree. I will finish my degree. I will finish my degree. I told myself this over and over. Finally, I made it to my last semester! Seniors got priority registration at that time and it was my chance to take an easy elective class called organic gardening. It was one of those types of classes where you basically show up to class and get an A!  All the quizzes and tests had the questions and answers printed in the materials the instructor handed out at the beginning of the semester! So it was an easy A. 

The only problem was deciding which class to take. There were probably 8 or 9 different time slots being offered so I had to figure out the classes I actually needed to take and squeeze in the organic gardening elective where I could. 

I narrowed the choice down to an afternoon class. I couldn’t decide which time though. I went back and forth trying to decide which would be the most convenient time to take this very easy “joke” class. (In hindsight, I really wish I would have payed attention in class more…the gardening information may have been useful! ) 😊

So I decided on 2:00 for the organic gardening class. It was pretty much a random decision or so I thought. Turns out God had a plan all along.

I’m sitting in organic gardening class one day by myself. The instructor was passing back our graded tests and I see a familiar face of a guy I remembered from Chi Alpha.  Our eyes meet as he is retrieving his test and he walks over and says “Don’t you go to Chi Alpha. Isn’t your name Tiffany?” I said yes.  He introduced himself and invited me to sit with him and some of his friends at the next class. I said okay.

I’m leaving out a lot here, but the guy ended up to be my future husband! 

I never would have been in that class if I had quit. I never would have ended up at Auburn University if not for the relationship that ended badly. God even guided me to pick the same class time that he knew Murry Guy would be taking. 

Is all this a coincidence? I don’t think so. Even though my life seemed like a disaster at the time, and I couldn’t see how things could get better, God was working things, even the bad things, out for my good. He loves to do that for those that love Him and are His children. He does this for us when we don’t even realize it. He loves us and wants good things for us.

Your friend,

Tiffany

PS. Remember the wedding I mentioned?Murry was sitting right behind me at that wedding watching me and I had no idea! 

Romans 8:28

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

You are Special

Nearly twenty years ago, when I was in college, I experienced a very hard loss. At 21 years old, it was the hardest thing (up until then) that I had ever gone through. I experienced true heartbreak. The person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with disappeared. I don’t mean he moved away or passed away. I mean he rejected me. He decided our almost five year long relationship meant nothing to him. It was over and he never spoke to me again. Ironically the last day we ever spoke was 9/11…the day the terrorists flew planes into the twin towers. I truly thought I was going to marry him. So you can imagine my sense of pain and loss.

A few months after this break-up, I become involved in a Christian organization in college called Chi Alpha. This group met for weekly bible studies, small groups, morning prayer, etc. I began attending alone. Unfortunately I had allowed my ex-boyfriend to become my whole world and I had no close friends other than my mom. So I went to Chi Alpha alone. I tried hard to get involved in Chi Alpha and put God first.

 

One weekend, I attended a wedding of two Chi Alpha members. It was a beautiful wedding which took place outdoors. It was a warm sunny day and of course I went alone. It wasn’t that I couldn’t be friendly, I just tended to be a quiet person until I really got to know someone and let’s face it, I was out of practice in the art of making friends. So, I sat there alone on that beautiful day and waited for the ceremony to begin.

 

The couple getting married were very friendly, genuine, sweet people. I remember as the ceremony began the minister said “Angela and Levi asked me to read a book to you as part of the ceremony.” It was a children’s book and I was immediately intrigued. I’d never been to a wedding where a children’s book was read before! The name of the book was “You Are Special” and it was written by Max Lucado.

 

The book describes a village of people who walk around giving each other stars and dots. If you got a star it meant you had done something good, people liked you, or you were simply attractive. If the villagers gave you dots, it meant you weren’t talented, liked, or attractive. I listened intently as the minister read to us, the wedding guests.

 

As he read, I felt like he really was describing life. It did seem as though people rush around trying to be the most talented, smartest, and most beautiful. And at that moment, in my days of rejection, I realized that I felt like the main character, Punchinello, who had lots of dots. The question was why I felt that way.

 

The answer was simple. I had based all of my value and purpose, on what one person thought of me. And because my ex-boyfriend had deemed me unlovable, I felt worthless. I could feel the tears start to burn my eyes and a huge lump come into my throat as I kept listening to the story. It turns out that there was a person in the village who had no stars or dots named Lucia. The stars and dots wouldn’t stick to her. Punchinello, the character with all the dots, asked Lucia why the stars and dots didn’t stick to her. She told him it was because they didn’t matter to her. I thought about that for a moment… what people thought about her didn’t matter. You see, Lucia had no stars or dots because she visited the wood shop where the wood maker, her creator, lived. She spent time with him and she learned a valuable truth. It didn’t matter what other people thought of her -good or bad-because she was special to her creator simply because she was his!

 

I sat there stunned as the minister finished reading. That book was for me. The simple truth was that I had allowed a person to make me feel unlovable. I valued his opinion of me the most. I wanted him to give me stars! I wanted to earn those stars. And because my ex-boyfriend deemed me worthy of only dots, I allowed that to make me feel worthless. All the while I had been missing that my Creator valued me simply because He made me! I was special because I was His! I didn’t need a person to determine my value whether bad or good, only God’s opinion mattered. And I didn’t have to “earn” God’s love. He loves me because I belong to him.

 

I have never forgotten that day or the book that was read at the wedding almost 20 years ago. In fact, I have a copy of the book on a bookshelf at home and now read it to my own children. I have to remind myself at times, that it doesn’t matter what people think. It doesn’t matter because God thinks I’m special because I’m his!!

 

Your friend,
Tiffany