The Loan

I wrote the following poem on June 13th. I don’t usually write poetry, so it was surprising to me when the words came to me that day. Little did I know, four months later, my father-in-law would be in ICU with a cancer diagnosis fighting for his life.

I’d forgotten I’d written the poem, but today as I was enjoying the serenity of the beautiful sky and sunshine, I remembered it. While our soul lives on forever, I’m reminded our time on Earth is limited. Our life is really not our own. Our family members don’t actually belong to us. Who we are and those we have in our lives are loaned to us.

Loaned by God to us.

Nothing is permanent here on Earth. It’s crucial to remember that.

Remember to be present.

Remember to be thankful.

Remember to love.

Blessings.

Your friend,

Tiffany

The Loan

Whenever you begin to judge

your achievements as right or wrong,

Remember your life truly

to you does not belong.

Live to the fullest,

give it your all,

love with all your might.

But remember that each day

is a precious gift

and not a right.

Don’t get so caught up in

the good,

the bad,

the mundane.

Remember life is but

a blink,

a flash,

and then washes away like the rain.

It matters how you spend your dash-

the time,

the money-too.

But never, ever, ever forget…

none of it actually belongs

to you.

It’s just on loan from your Creator

for your time here on the Earth.

And when it is due to be paid in full,

your life loan will be up.

What will matter then is not the stuff or possessions you have attained.

What will matter then is if your spirit

knew the Heavenly Father’s name.

Did you ever realize all the people

in your life were on loan to you as well?

You never really owned them,

but did you love them well?

Did you love them with the Father’s love,

that He poured out to you?

Or did you command,

work, and rule them

like an owner is known to do?

Did you never, ever realize

before it was too late,

that you took them all for granted

like the food upon your plate?

More precious than material things

are the souls loaned to our care.

But when our kind master returns

or calls us home,

what will He see here?

Will He see we treasured others

and took care of them for Him?

Or will He see we never understood

that they all belonged to Him?

Will He take away all He had loaned

and say “You were so unwise.”

Or will He look at us and say

“Thank you for lovingly caring for my prize.”

God’s children and creation

are the prize we have been loaned.

My prayer is that

we always see

none of it have we ever owned.

The Year-Round Christmas Club

We’ve had a bit of drama around our house lately. Okay if I’m honest, it’s pretty much always a circus, but a few days ago the stomach virus hit some family members. 😳 If you know me well at all, you know I despise a stomach virus, even more than the coronavirus. (Yes, I know Covid is potentially more serious, but I truly think I’m going to pass away every time I throw up.)

I didn’t get sick yet, so far it has only hit my husband and my oldest son, but meanwhile I’m suited up complete with a mask and disinfecting everything!

So while I’m disinfecting, cleaning, and putting away Christmas decorations to get my mind off the stomach virus particles floating in the air, I thought about how I hate taking down the Christmas tree. It’s just so warm and inviting and the living room feels so stark and empty when it’s gone. Then I contemplated keeping it up all year.

I’ve never considered myself to be a year-round Christmas person. No offense to anyone who is a member of the year-round Christmas club, I’ve just never been one of those people.😂 In fact, every year the holiday season usually propels me to a level of stress that is unmatched the rest of the year. Yes-it is usually because I’ve gotten wrapped in the activities that have nothing to do with Jesus’ birthday🤦‍♀️-but the pressure is a reality nonetheless.

Anyway, so I’m taking down the ornaments, the ribbons, the wreaths, and I kept thinking about the Christmas tree and still couldn’t push away the thought of leaving it up. I began to wonder about the origins of the Christmas tree and came across some neat historical info. One historical account stood out to me the most and I wanted to share it:

It is believed that the first known Christmas tree that was brought inside and decorated was during the 16th century by a man called Martin Luther. It was said that on his walk home, he saw the stars through the evergreen trees and went home to tell his children that it reminded of him of Jesus. He later wrote a sermon about the experience for his church, leading to the spread of people decorating the trees with candles as a symbol of letting Jesus into their homes. In modern terms, the meaning of a Christmas tree is that the Christmas tree represents Jesus and the light he brings to the world, for Christians. (excerpt from What Does the Christmas Tree Represent, Christmasphere)

After I read the above, I decided. I knew I had to leave the tree up. I need the visual reminder, you know? Not only as a reminder of Jesus and the Holy Spirit’s presence every day in my life, but as an admonition to be a light for Him. This world is full of a lot of darkness at times. However, each word and act of love and kindness-every time we are Jesus’ hands and feet to a hurting world- we are shining His light.

So in the middle of the crazy, circus, stomach-virus-filled house, I became a year-round Christmas person! I guess the other members of this club realized something I didn’t for so long. Every day is a chance to shine the light of Christmas. I pray I always remember this nugget of truth, each day, of the coming New Year. Friends, I pray you remember always you are a light, too! Shine for Him, always.(P.S. I’ll post updates of my Christmas tree throughout the year.😊 Most of the decorating ideas will probably be from Pinterest.🥰)

Happy New Year’s Eve!

Your friend,

Tiffany

Missing Peace

I can’t take credit for today’s blog title. 😊 It was the title of my daily devotion on YouVersion Bible App. As you might imagine, the devotion was about peace and how it is so often missing.

The thought came to my mind as I was reading that we can never create our own peace. Even if we seem to be able to, the time of peace is fleeting. The hour long relaxing bubble bath, the week long beach vacation, an 8 hour uninterrupted night’s rest, etc.

So how do we experience full-time peace? By continually fixing our minds on something (or someone😊) other than our circumstances. That someone is Heavenly and we are currently in the season of celebrating His appearance on Earth as a baby. Jesus.

Philippians 4:6-8 (Amplified Bible)

6 Do not be anxious or worried about anything, but in everything [every circumstance and situation] by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, continue to make your [specific] requests known to God. 7 And the peace of God [that peace which reassures the heart, that peace] which transcends all understanding, [that peace which] stands guard over your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus [is yours].

Reality moment here. Every single Christmas season, I get majorly stressed out. I’ve got to attend this Christmas party, or that Christmas gathering. I have to bake, decorate, shop, wrap presents, on top of the regular day to day activities. It. Is. Always. Too. Much.

Now before you quit reading and assume I am The Grinch, Scrooge, or another similar character, I will assure you that I am not. 😊 Why do I get stressed to that point every year? It is not because I don’t enjoy Christmas parties or Christmas shopping or wrapping presents. It is because I become completely absorbed in nothing else.

I don’t spend enough time with Jesus. The One who the season is for. The Reason we even have Christmas. Oops. I’m sure I’m not the only one. 😊 I’m not saying all this to heap guilt on my self or anyone else, but simply to point out the way back to peace. True Peace.

True Peace is never found in our circumstances but in our One True Friend. Only when we make time for His presence and fix our thoughts and minds on Him, will we experience lasting peace. All the ”stuff” and material possessions fade and fluctuate, but True Peace is found in a person, Our Savior. It is only when we make time for Him in our hearts and minds that we experience true, lasting, non-fluctuating peace.

Peace is connected to trust. I’ll admit it. I have a hard time believing in and trusting certain people, and trusting situations life presents to me. But if I’m honest, when I don’t fully trust and give the situation over to God, I don’t experience peace. So without trust, we won’t have peace.

Life constantly bombards us with chaotic scenarios which destroy peace pretty quickly. At least it feels that way to me. What should we do when we life presents less than peaceful circumstances? We should try and harness the worrisome and anxious thoughts and focus our minds back to God and His very real presence in our lives. Yes, it is much easier to do this on some days than it is on others but the effort is probably needed more on the hard days! We have to remember that we live in an imperfect world. We are going to experience anxiety, stress, and less than peaceful thoughts. However putting forth the effort in focusing our minds back to the Holy Spirit’s presence in our lives will be worth it! Peace that results is far greater than we can understand or imagine.

Isaiah 26:3

“You will keep in perfect and constant peace the one whose mind is steadfast [that is, committed and focused on You—in both inclination and character],
Because he trusts and takes refuge in You [with hope and confident expectation]

I definitely have some work to do in this area. However, for me, just sitting and writing this connects my heart to the Lord’s and helps me to focus, trust, and believe Him for the peace that only He can give! Peace that passes all my human understanding!

I’m praying for you today, friend. Especially if you are stressed out, frazzled, burned out and feel anything but peace. I pray you will be able to spend some time in the Lord’s presence and experience peace as you focus on Him today. He loves you and wants nothing more than to spend time with you and fill your mind with His peace.

Your friend,

Tiffany

The Sun Will Rise

Okay so this evening was a little rough. My husband had to work late and it usually takes two of us to brush Landon’s teeth. Even with a sensory toothbrush, strawberry flavored toothpaste and the assurance that we will be “all done” with brushing his teeth as quickly as we can, it involves a huge fight on Landon’s part with limbs flailing, him yelling, crying and basically acting like we are trying to brutally murder him.

Usually Murry and I obtain bites, scratches and bruises in the process. Even though we have brushed his teeth everyday for probably the last seven years, every day we get the same reaction from Landon.

Autism.

This is just one tiny facet of what it means for your child to have severe autism. Well, today Murry had to work late so I had to complete this lovely teeth brushing task on my own. (Yes, I have considered never brushing his teeth and basically letting his teeth rot out. And this is coming from a person who has never had a cavity. So yeah, autism can affect you on levels you never really dreamed of….)

Anyway, I don’t know what it was about tonight. But as I was attempting to hold my 63 pound son down in order to brush his teeth, I realized he really did not understand why I was brushing his teeth. He does not understand the fact that he already has cavities and I’m trying to avoid him having to go to the operating room, have him put under general anesthesia just to get cavities filled. He’s thinking “Mama is just torturing me and she knows I hate this because of my sensory system being in overdrive and yet, she still does this every single day.”

I don’t know what it was about tonight. Usually I hold the emotions in check, but as I was holding him after I finished brushing his teeth, while he was still screaming and fighting me, my own tears started. I realized looking into his confused eyes, that he has no idea why we brush his teeth. Will he ever understand? Will he ever be able to realize we are doing this because we love him and want to take care of him no matter how much he hates us, bruises us, bites us?

Psalm 56:8

You keep track of all my sorrows.

You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

You have recorded each one in your book.

Are we ever that way with our Heavenly Father? Do we fight Him and say “how can you do this to me” while only viewing our situation from our own limited understanding and perspective? Do we ask God how He can allow a health problem or relationship problem or financial problem in our life? Do we ask God why He’s letting all these negative circumstances happen to us? Do we ask what we did to deserve this and is it fair? Do we treat God the way Landon treats us when we brush his teeth?

Sometimes God calms the storm, sometimes He calms us. He wants us to have a bigger perspective than just our own. We have to trust Him that he is going to work ALL things for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

I once read a quote that said “Just because the story has a happy ending doesn’t mean you can’t cry during the sad parts.”

Well, I had a sad part tonight. But after my tears, I had to stop and look toward the future…the future of Landon’s healing, the future of our eternity in Heaven, the future of a perfect life with Jesus.

I know that tonight was just a moment in time. (I am not minimizing the fact that it is very overwhelming and draining to say the least of being an autism parent.) But in the morning the sun will rise and Landon will jump in my lap and give me kisses. And I’ll cherish that moment. I’ll hold it in my heart and I will smile. And it will be a glimpse of the way it will be all the time in Heaven. And then we won’t even remember the tears.

Your friend,

Tiffany